Platform justice - a call for action

I would like to extend my congratulations the Beunos Aires commuters who sparked a five hour riot and torched their train on hearing the news that their already delayed service was cancelled.

This is my call to arms for the commuters of London, a cry to follow the lead of our brothers in Argentina. The next time your Tube train is delayed in a tunnel due to 'unexpected signal failure at Baker St' (the same unexpected signal failure that has happened every day for the last five years) don't just quietly groan and tut. March towards the front of the train, break down the door to the driver's cab, and use the radio to give the signalling centre a full-on bollocking. The next time that South-West trains cancels a service or stops at Clapham Junction for more than fifteen minutes, leap out and set fire to the carriage using your copy of the Metro. The next time some poe-faced depressive looks like he's about to throw himself in front of the 1748 to Swansea (via Reading), gather some fellow travellers and pummel some fucking sense into the selfish git. Above all, next time that the Tube drivers announce a strike in support of their demands for an extra chocolate digestive with their tea break, declare a Jihad against the RMT, and pronounce an Iranian-style fatwa against Bob Crow. As you know I am a tolerant man, but even I have to admit that the mental image of thousands of office workers running amok through Kings Cross lynching these work-shy bolsheviks warms my very soul.

Those who have never lived in a city like New York or London, who have never suffered the indignities of that mild panic following a half-heard and unintelligible station announcement, will probably think I'm over-reacting a bit. These are the same people who think that instant execution for anyone blocking the turnstile topped my 'Tube-justice' poll due to some ironic British humour. Well consider this, residents of Denver and Los Angeles - it's almost twelve months since I last had to travel around London by train, and I'm still pissed off about it.