Parenthood is morally wrong

One of the administrators in the department has just dropped her first sprog, so the Captain's mailbox was bombarded this morning with photos of adoring parents holding an ugly, small, bald dribbling creature. I'm not singling out this baby as being uglier than any other but let's face it, Winston Churchill was never noted for being a sex symbol. If shortness, baldness and dribbling were really considered attractive then I wouldn't be wasting my time posting this chaff on the internet, I'd be too busy beating women off with a shitty stick.

Why is it that parents generally, and particularly first timers, labour under the misapprehension that I'm interested in the exploits of their crushingly mediocre offspring? I don't care about Tarquin's first fart, or Rebecca's first 'adorable' attempt at wiping her own backside. Call me in sixteen years time when they become potential clientele (or even staff) for my lucrative 'supply' operation.

It's even worse over here, a few months ago I was 'invited' to something called a Baby Shower. Having already got us to cough up for a stag do, wedding present etc, this is an effective way for a couple to screw even more cash out of people. At a Baby Shower, one's presence is demanded at a 'party' (in actual fact a glass of Liebfraumilch and a piece of equally nasty fruitcake) in exchange for some expensive plastic item from Mothercare, which in 6 months time will stink of milksome vomit anyway.

If people find it absolutely imperative to breed, then I suppose they should be allowed to, but it's about time the contribution of those of us who have chosen not to add to the planet's burgeoning population of six billion was recognised.