Stool

In India, the government is pushing for a law that allows people to run for public office only if they are in possession of that glory of Victorian engineering - a flush toilet. It seems that being seen crapping in the street along with the other proles is both demeaning to the elected office, and an environmental problem. I wholeheartedly approve, parking fudge and politics simply don't mix. Lady Thatcher would never have got where she is now if she'd been seen squatting in the street behind a Vauxhall Nova, like some Cleethorpes harlot on the way home from the pub. (Although I wouldn't put it past Claire Short, in all honesty).

In my constituency, Wokingham, most of the people have lavatories, so curling one down in public has never really been an issue. Consequently our MP, front bench has-been John Redwood, has found lots of other ways of dumping on the electorate.

Talking of Wokingham, I recently hit the motherlode when I found the homepage of Robert Kilroy-Silk, the Alan Partridge of British politics. Did you know that at a meeting of Wokingham Conservative Party he accused Redwood of being 'soft on Europe'? That's a bit like accusing Chairman Mao of not doing enough to curb obesity.