Encouraging news from the USA, but Fastrousers urges 'no complacency'

It is less than twelve months into Captain Fastrousers' invasion into the US, but already his controversial plan to bring to the USA a British-style democracy (i.e. a gloomy, miserable nation of gloomy, miserable voters) is already showing fruition. A study by the Pew Research Institute is showing encouraging signs of pessimism, worry and negativity.

At the start of his invasion, there was widespread doubt in the UK over Fastrousers' plan to give the US the gift of cynicism. Many commentators close to the Captain expressed the view that he risked ending up mired in Californian-style positivity and cheeriness. However, persistance and above all a strong belief in absolutely nothing at all appear to be having the desired effect. The poll indicates that the US is subject to a general trend of apathy and gloominess concerning the image of America abroad, and an increase in the belief that things can only get worse. Only high ranking military officials and undertakers bucked the trend, but this was to be expected given the increase in trade under the Bush administration.

When asked for comment, Captain Fastrousers said "this really is wonderful news - first Paris gets torched and now this! When the American people realise that life is nasty, brutish and short, that all politicians are corrupt imbeciles, and that almost everybody is a delusional, self-interested fuckwit, only then will they finally be able to pursue democracy in the way our European forebears intended - with resignation, apathy and tenebrosity. And I think these figures show that we are well on the way of our 'Roadmap to Drear'".

However, the Captain was also quick to warn against complacency. "Every silver lining has a cloud. Only the other day, I was ordered to 'have a nice day', and it is still common to hear people express the sentiment that 'life is good'. We musn't forget that mainstream journalism here is still just as spineless, that Hollywood continues to peddle its naive mythology of 'good', 'evil' and 'happy endings', and that people in many parts of the country persist in the view that 'folks are basically honest and good'. Nevertheless, every decent hardworking American that goes to bed at night embittered and dispirited, every American who wakes in the morning and questions the very worth of getting out of bed, is one small victory on our long road".