Blame it on the rampant free-marketeers

I've been very busy writing my dissertation, which is why I've not posted much lately. My research was going nowhere fast, so I decided to take a leaf out of Wall Street's book. I now have a completed dissertation that is founded on nothing but speculation and wild optimism, which leaves my reputation catastrophically exposed. However, because it is over 180,000 words long and makes draws on almost every other mainstream academic discipline, it has been deemed by Ben Bernanke to be 'Too Big to Fail'.

I expect my doctorate certificate and a check for $5 billion to arrive poste haste.