Fastrousers unveils exciting new service

A previous post seems to have generated a bit of interest from the indolent chattering classes that make up my dysfunctional readership. Never one to pass up an financial opportunity, I am announcing an upcoming new service - online dumping.

So-called dating services have been tapping into the desperation of the lonely for years, so I don't see why I shouldn't cynically exploit the desperation of unhappy affairs. Service charges will range from about $2.99 for a standard email, to $15.99 for a full-service public humiliation that will scar them for life, with various options. I envisage a similar business model to iTunes, so you'll need to set up an account*. It will allow the 'gifting' of dumpings to other accounts, which provides a good way of subtly hinting to friends that maybe they could be doing better than their current partner, or even to assuage some of the guilt accrued by having slept with said Significant Other.

I truly am a visionary, the Steve Jobs of the human-interaction industry. Plus, I don't have to stick a bloody 'i' in front of every damn product name because I can't think of anything else.

*Each 'break-up' will require the release of your email address/phone number. I plan to make your 'newly single' contact details available to dating agencies, for a small recompense. Unless I think you're hot of course, in which case I'll just hit on you myself.