Platonic Presidency

George W. Bush insists that he is done giving back rubs to the German Chancellor. In a statement, the President said that 'although his intentions were meant in a tone of support and friendship, he would not wish to do anything that would be seen as compromising the deep respect he has for the office of Chancellor. Also', Mr. Bush added, 'the uptight bitch is obviously a dyke, or frigid'.

The President has also made it official policy to decline giving foot massages to the Pakistani leader, Pervez Musharraf, but the White House remains tight-lipped concerning the alleged 'Friends with Benefits' negotiations with UK Prime Minister Tony Blair.