I am rather grateful to Kim Jong-il

I have, in the past, been criticised for the feckless and irresponsible life choices I have made. 'Think of the future!', they all cried, 'think about your retirement!'.

Thanks to North Korea, it is now obvious that there will be no future, and my way has been proven the best way. I have spent the whole weekend pissing myself at all that money my friends have thrown away on retirement funds and investments, when they should have been spending it on fine booze and bad women. Suckers.