And in the LA Times next week....

05/21/2007 - British climbers rescued in Yosemite

Three British climbers were rescued from El Capitan yesterday, Yosemite National Park officials announced. The climbers, who were on day eight of a four day ascent of the Salathe Wall, were said to be physically unharmed but 'in a state of some disorientation'.

Eye-witnesses claim the party stopped making upward progress sometime on day three, on a section known to climbers as 'The Ear'. The lead member of the party became completely wedged into the notorious wide crack, and was unable to move either up or down. Park Ranger Bill Pastry, who led the rescue, said 'at first, they tried hauling back out of the crack using a pulley system, but that didn't help do the trick. In the end, the other two just set up camp on the wall and decided to starve him out of there'. However, even after two days with nothing but water, the climber had not lost sufficient bulk to shift himself. The beleagured climber attempted to speed up his weight loss by taking a 'bathroom break', but in the process only succeeded in losing his pants and underwear.

By this time, a sizeable crowd of 'wall spotters' had gathered to view the spectacle. 'Well, we probably should have gone up there sooner, but he looked so damn funny hanging up there bare-assed with his legs kicking in the air. Short guy he was, bald and kinda funny lookin', said Ranger Pastry. 'What a clusterfuck! I mean, I've worked in the Dept. of the Interior for twenty years, but even I've never seen incompetence like that. Plus, to be honest, we had no idea how to get him out.' Eventually, however, the barrage of profanity reaching the Valley floor was beginning to offend many campers, and the NPS decided to remove the team.

Exact details of the rescue are uncertain, but officials said that it involve a helicopter, an air compressor, and a large vat of vaseline.

If by some miracle I return, the next post will be in a couple of weeks.