You're not fooling anyone, you know.

I've just look at the statistics on the 'racist bitch' poll. A little overdue, perhaps, but it's not as if I don't have anything better to do than keep informed of your opinions. Your opinions don't really matter to me anyway, unless you agree with me that is, and if you don't agree with me then you're wrong. If the poll is correct, 56% of you actually tell a Russian mafia princess to their face to fuck off back to St Petersburg. Frankly, I think you're all liars. I cannot imagine a single person I know who would actually say that other than myself, and even then it would be under the influence of a regrettable quantity of alcohol.

Not that I really mind that you're all lying on my poll, I've been known to tell a few porkies myself. The biggest lie I ever said was 'try not to tense up - it's the most natural and beautiful thing in the world'. It's not something that I'm particularly proud of, but it's amazing what a nineteen-year-old undergraduate will believe, and I'm far too opportunistic to be held responsible for my own actions.

The most fun I ever had lying was when I went into the Women's Bookstore in Boulder, CO wearing a summer frock and two days growth of beard and loudly announced that I really rated Germaine Greer because she was dead butch. It's easy to wind up people in Boulder because they consider themselves 'progressive'. I don't know what they mean by progressive, but it seems to involve having no sense of humour and espousing a lot of obscure left-wing causes, whilst still complaining about how the hippies make the place look scruffy. Boulder is an eclectic mix of high-end real estate agents and 'Free Tibet' stickers.