Bruins and Trojans

To the outsider there appears to be little to connect the Californian Bear and the Trojans, except that both were wiped out by non-native invaders a while ago. This weekend though, the two come together in the highlight of the LA academic year when the Bruins (UCLA) play the Trojans (USC).

UCLA students can't stand their local rivals, which due to their ludicrously high tuition fees is locally dubbed the University of Spoilt Children (not that UCLA undergraduates represent some sort of impoverished underclass, judging by the number of Lexus' in the student car park). The iconographic build-up has to be seen to be believed - the statue of Bruin Bear on campus has been under 24 hour guard all week to stop USC students vandalising it. Nobody batted an eyelid when hunters wiped out the last of the real Californian Bears 100 years ago, but now everyone's terrified in case a bronze statue gets a comedy penis strapped to it.

I hate college football, and not only because the money being spent on guarding a bronze bear would be better supplementing my meagre stipend. The real reason I hate college sports is that in order to be eligible to play for the University, these semi-professional sports-persons have to be enrolled students. And that means we, the PhD students (you won't see a faculty member anywhere near a lower division undergraduate class), are expected to drum an education into them.

I wouldn't go as far as saying that collegiate sports players are thick (I wouldn't dare, they're fucking enormous), but imagine trying to nurse Wayne Rooney through the first year of a degree programme. Remember, Rooney doesn't even spend every day smashing his head into people/goalposts/the ground etc (Rooney only does that on a Saturday night).

UCLA haven't got a cat in hell's chance, but if a couple of them are sufficiently bruised to miss class next week I'll consider it a victory. Even I have to admit that college football is not without some attraction.