My aircraft was unsafely noxious

I've had a few comments lately about my lack of posts. My leg was stuck in a crack in Joshua Tree for the best part of two weeks, which made computer access difficult, and of a low priority. True story. I am enjoying the delights of JFK airport at the moment, a first for me. Somewhere over Greenland our pilot decided that the noxious fumes coming from the galley were not merely due to the on-board cuisine, but indicative of something possibly more sinister. Rather than doggedly press on for London in the great spirit of Agincourt, he decided to turn around faster than an Italian tank crew under fire and head for the (relative) safety of New York.

How does one entertain oneself in JFK with sleep deprivation and three hundred whining British people? I tried walking up to strangers and saying "bada-boom, bada-BING!" in order to blend in with the locals, but people just looked at me like I was a lunatic. I then went into the airport 'bookstore' and made disparaging remarks about their stock (self-help books for the women, boys-own stories for the men, and business manuals for the work travellers trying to look serious and important). At this point United Airlines' Flying Circus put us up for the day in a local Holiday Inn, which meant that I both avoided further scrutiny by the now-concerned security staff, and have been afforded some new distractions.

Lunch in the generic, over-priced hotel restaurant: 30 minutes
Hotel gym: 10 minutes
Recovering from exercise in the hot tub: 20 minutes
The pseudo-sleep of the jet-lagged: 1 hour
Pay-per-view porn on the hotel TV (hey, it's on United's tab): 2 minutes

I still have two-and-a-half-hours to kill before I continue my odyssey, so I'd appreciate any suggestions (before you mention it though, I've already checked and all the receptionists look a bit Italian. I don't intend to spend eternity cuddling next to Jimmy Hoffa because I made a hopeful but obscene comment to one of Tony Soprano's mistresses). I am taking the so-called 'silly route' from the Big Apple to The Smoke (via Washington D.C.), since all the direct flights were, no doubt, nabbed for the hoi-polloi in First Class. Anybody who thinks that we live in a fair and equitable society should fly economy more often. The experience of being herded like livestock through to the back of the plane under the supercilious gaze of First Class would soon disabuse them of that fantasy.

Never mind, hopefully we'll make it at least as far as Reykjavik tonight before the Captain and Crew get homesick for Trenton and decide to turn around.