It's not a rejection, it's a non-financial vote of confidence

Dear Fester Fastrousers,

Thank you for applying for a Postdoctoral Fellowship position with The National Institute of Clouds and Wind and Shit's Advanced Study Program. We regret to inform you that we are unable to offer you a fellowship. Please be assured of our sincere interest in your application. We had more than 10 times the number of applicants as positions available this year.

We maintain a career opportunities web site (http://www.asp.nicws.edu/opportunities.php)
that lists other postdoctoral fellowship opportunities that may be of interest to you.

Best wishes for success and fulfillment in your scientific career.

Sincerely,

Marvin Phukket
Director, NICWS Advanced Study Program

I have a growing pile of these. People telling me that I'm awesome, that my research is awesome, but they just don't feel like giving me money at the moment. Not really in the mood, I expect. At least they had the decency to tell me straight. One Salubrious East Coast Institute emailed me a few days before telling me how great they think I'll do in future, just to check my 'diversity statistics'. You can imagine the conversation. 'Fastrousers, sea ice; chop him. Wait, he might add to our diversity.... no, he's a white male, fuck him'.

At this rate I'll end up teaching Cloud Gazing 101 at a Community College.

Update!

Admissions officers have a sense of humour after all . Admittedly a sick sense of humour, but I suppose wading through thousands of almost-identical application essays will do that for anyone.