Austrian Airways flies to some real crap-holes

I'm stuck in Vienna Airport at the moment. Sadly the Austrian dedication to punctuality, which is ruthless enough to trample little old ladies in the street to avoid missing a bus, is not sufficiently ruthless to fly me to Heathrow on time. If you want to go shopping for chocolates this a great airport, you can't walk more than five yards without someone trying to prize your last few Euros from your wallet. If you want to fly to London, however, it's not very good. How many airports have the Duty Free shop signposted, but not the security check? In my years of travel I have found just one; I'll let you guess where it is.

Other than buying cocoa solids the only thing to do here is gaze wistfully at the departures board, and its list of exotic destinations. At the moment, I see a list comprising Moscow, Minsk, Tel Aviv, Sarajevo, Sofia, Tehran, Beijing, Kiev and Baku. As far as I can tell, the only Austrian Airways destination that I would even consider flying to is Heathrow, and ironically that's the only destination that I am unable to go to.

There's a large group of Georgian teenagers in the corner. I know they're Georgian because it's written in large letters on the back of their matching blue Soviet-era tracksuits; they're clearly some kind of national sprts team. They're the most effeminate and camp teenagers I have ever seen, so I'm guessing they're gymnasts or ice dancers.

Baku. Why the fuck would anyone go to Baku?

Update!

I have since been informed that Baku has a fascinating and culturally diverse history, and boasts a picturesque old town that is in fact a UNESCO World Heritage Site. It's not just Russian oil barons and gangsters (is there a difference?). I apologize for having impugned the delights of Baku.

Danube Blue

I'm in Vienna at the moment, a musical city and the foundation of such musical icons as Strauss, Mahler, and Falco. Vienna is a bit like Kylie Minogue; very attractive, but so wholesome as to be ultimately bland. (The same could be said of Strauss' music, and indeed Falco's. Not Mahler's though.) Communication is a bit limited since I haven't studied german for over twenty years, and the only phrases I now know are 'danke', 'bitte', and 'essen mein scheiße' (this last I picked up from South Park). I'm getting by, but after a few days the look on people's faces when I hail them with a cheery 'essen mein Scheiße!' is beginning to get predictable. I've now been reduced to being polite to people.

There's a sign in my hotel room that proudly states 'Vienna has premium water quality. Water from the tap may be drunk unscrupulously'. Nothing I do is done with scruples, but it's nice to know that I have permission to appropriately hydrate myself.